Everyone has their good and bads

In this world no one is perfect, even if it strived for it is never achieved. As humans we believe that we ourselves perfect compared to one another becuase we, most of the time not always believe what we do is right. What we percieved as the correct doing are proberly influenced by our surrondings, beliefs or what we are taught. But with no doubt i can say that no one is perfect everyone has their flaws. I myself know that i have flaws. I tend to be a person who speaks sometimes without thinking this causes offence amongst some people but these offences are unintentional. Life passes by and you meet different people, people with traits u adore but there always seems to be that one or two flaw that causes you to dislike them or get annoyed at them. But its human nature. But i finally realise some people their flaws are just so big. When they have no one else but you their all nice to you and notice u. But then amongst other people they forget you they see you as a nobody. some peoples are very ungrateful for what they have or how they have come to have these things. I finally come to realise that my thoughts are kept between me and myself. But everyone has their good and their bads i guess it just depends on the moment. The moment when your alone with that person the good is that they notice u and actually acknowledge but the bad amongst other people they dont even look at you there that moment in time is when u realise the bad. So people live for yourself because no one is always there for you. In cases like this bad does win good

*sigh* Whats wrong????? maybe????

well its been a long time since i last made a blog.. i usually do it when i am really rreally happy or just when i am done. Today though i am writting because i am confused. with life maybe?? with school maybe?? or just with how things are going on maybee??
I dont know how to express it but there is something that is supressed within me, it feels like a mixture of fustration, anger, sadness and worrisome. I guess its proberly because i am anticipating the exam thats coming in like about 5 days time.. Part of me is confused because i dont know how to study and ive been doing past papers and i been making so many mistakes. Part of me just wants it over and done with but part of me is scared that i know i ll do bad but there is that also little part of me telling me its gonna be fine cause i ll do fine. Its so hard to belive that my life is gonna be dependent on a stupid test that someone esle writes up.
*sighhhh* then i think i am somewhat sad and annoyed that i am loenly.. people say i am young and its ok for me not to experince a realtionship yet but seriouslllyy if i got a dollar for hearing that everytime, donald trump is nothing compared to me. People say i am good looking enough to find anyone i want but seriously in reality it just isnt. I would be lieing if i said i was looking for someone just based on their personality or beliefs, i want soemone whose just decent enough not supermodel or anything for some reason i dont like them i just want someone whose normal looking just nromal.. *sigh* for me its like the hardest task ever.. tehn seeigne veryone around me get soemone and here i am in my little room on teis freakn computer *SIGGGHHHH* all in all it should be over within one or two weeks
all i can do now is pray to the beloved farther above that he guides me and supports me through out this time.

Friendship.. I am so confused..?

Omg its like third period of the day in school and i had to escape out of chemistry to blog because my mind just cant handle it anymore.. Not the stress of schoolwork or anythign of that sort but its just something that has been sitting at the back of my mind for a while now....
I have friends i mean everyone has friends but sometimes i wonder wat it means to really have a friend or what a true friend really is? recently a few issues have arisen in my life and it relates somewhat to friendship... I mean i know there are friends around me that love me for who i am and me love them for who they are, then there are those that i see as friends but i dont know why i get the impression that the feeling is not mutual... I get it that sometimes i can be a bit in your face or really annoying but if you claim your a friend you accept these things right? I mean i am the kind of person that when i realise i have done something wrong i will apologize and try my best to make a mend but soemtimes people just take things to far they do things or have actions which leave me doubting that there could be any chance of continuing friendship.. i mean that brings me down heaps... Then there are times when things i say or do are misinterpreted and like people take it the wrong way... *sigh * but hey life goes on i guess theres nothing more i can do when someone rejects my friendship right i mean i am a person now that if i say sorry i truly mean it not because someone wants to hear it... so friends take them for who they are and not wat u want them to be.. * sigh* i am really thankful for those i already have i love them all and they should know who they are... and if i have ever said sorry to you i truly truly mean it ... please dont take me the wrong way

Collacational pairs

Third time lucky?? So one would think.. To me its just another saying to give yourself and others hope.. Three in a row for me and it doesn't seem to get any better.. heartbreak, tear drops and fake smiles to try and make myself feel better...hmph... times like these i feel kinda pathetic but its only natural i guess it comes with heartbreak.. you feel a little down and sorry for yourself at first... its only natural were all human... i dont know why but this feeling seems to tag along with me, its like a collactional pair you have "tony" then you have "heartbreak"... i know sounds emo but it may not just only be me that feel this.. maybe its just this scene i am in.. people seem to be either unfaithful or get bored too easy.. but that's generalization i guess not everyone in this scene is that way.. there are good people and i have meet them.. but still even with them i end up with heartbreak... Relationships *sigh* even before one starts it seems to already end... what is it needed between two people for things to be sustained?? this question is one i seek an answer to for so long and still have not found...is it honesty, respect, love or trust?? or do you need all of these...Sometimes there are things so deep that is within one that cannot be spoken or expressed of...keeping it inside hurts realesing it hurts even more...
but i care i wanna share the pain... but its too late ... its been strike one, strike two and its the final strike .. i am officially out of the game.. i ll merely observe from the sideline and give my support i guess.... because i wont give up that easily. another collactional pair to"tony" is " perserverance"... i ll still like you

How do i settle this???

There are something things that many are willing to search in order to discover whilst others sit back and something hits them and they discover.... what do i mean by discover?? I mean see the world from a whole new perspective... Recently i have discovered such a wonderful world.. everything seemed great, skys were blue, life was fun and everything was going so well .. but really all this was because of the feeling that i thought i was falling in love... but little did i know love would come with such great consequence, it comes with hard break, insecurity, worrying and most of all fear.... Hey at first everything was going fine especially after the first time i saw the person it becomes so obvious that your attracted to them and their attracted to you.. but as time progresses things begin to shift and change , the world of mine seem to become to hot at times or to cold, the sky is to cloudy and the littlest things can set ur anger off.... the person you want to be with already has soemone else, u still want them but u've now become insecure and ask yourself " do they really mean what they say to me when they've said they've lost feelings for the other" its so hard...
i stare at my fone for the past hours hoping that i would recieve a call... 1 hour pass.....2 hours passs 10 hours pass.... nothing not even one simple missed call... makes me think back to those days where they would simply call just to say " i miss you".. nowadays i just crave for a hello on the fone... so i give them a call ... normally they would always pick up but nowadays it seems to ring endlessly.. ring ring ring ring ring ring.. then to the message box.. maybe they've gone back with their lover who they have claim to have lost feelings with... but i have told the person to try and rekindle with their lover maybe i was just being to nice, or was i just trying to mock them??
sometimes i feel like i am asking for too much... but am i?? i just want a simple answer from them do they still have feelings for me or has it gradually being lost...
but do i really want to hear the answer.. wat if the answer was no , would my insecurtiy just tell me that they are lieing to me, or would i just happily smile and kiss them to show them that i too havent loss any feelings... or what if they were to answer me yes they have lost feelings ... do i tell them well i think its best for me and you if we stayed friends and that i rather not try anything for i know it would turn to a one way love way....
Its so hard.. i dont know how to stop these thoughts... i cant stop thinking... i cant sleep, cant eat, just watiing for them to call me so i can ask the question....
Love is such a harsh thing to go through if its a one person thing but if there are two people in love i guess thats different.. but why am i always never the rule of two but the exception of one ... It hurts it really does....

Lonely Number 17

Once again that time of year has come, the day that reminds me that for 17 long years i have spent this day alone feeling unloved unwanted and uncared for, The day known valentines. This is the day where supposedly the angel cupid shoots his love arrow amongst the people. If this is the case then either the arrows are blunt or cupid cant aim, 17 Long years have i waited for these arrows to hit me, but instead it hits everywhere but me. i walk down the city street i see couples holding hands, linking arms and here i am all alone and deserted, then somewhere in the near or far distance a sad song would be played bringing this sorrow of mine down to a new level. Everywhere i look i see love hearts, chocolates, roses, smiles and people kissing. I close my eyes to avoid these sights, but only are these sights to be replace by the sounds that surrounds me, the cute giggles, the flirtatious whispers, and the four lettered word thrown around ruthlessly.
One big deep breathe, eyes filled with water and a forced smiles comforts me. But still there is something within me i aren't satisfied but hey we are human are we ever satisfied.

impressions

Impressions.. one of the many things that humans use as a basis of judgment... Human Judgment is one of those things that once said out aloud may be extremely harsh or somewhat soothing to the ears of those who are listening.........Impressions are made the very first moment you make an appearance to a strangers eyes, the sound you make to their ears , the words coming out of your mouth and in some cases the aroma that flows to theirs nose.... As human we tend to already make up our minds at what kind of person stands before us because of these impressions...... we say the person is either, TB, emo , loser, nerd, gay or really cool... but little do these theories have any facts or evidence to justify these beliefs...... It is due to these impressions and ignorance at times that we have passed out the chance to meet someone who may be one of a kind, unique and special.. for everyone is special in their own way... For example Albert Einstein was once thought to be a pedestrian thinker because of his appearance .. boy did we think wrong.. now Albert is one of the greatest figures in science.... i am not saying that we should befriend everyone we see i am simply saying before you judge someone on their appearance or however else you would judge, just think to yourself first who are you to judge them....

Emotions

Emotions... one of the wierdest things in the human life.. Many feel it.. as do i ... many would be familiar with joy,anger,sad, guilt... these are just some of the many emotions one would go through in their life time.. but one that always gets me in particalur, is sadness ... hmmm to me there are so many levels of sadness.. there are those simple teary ones where u simply just cry because it touches u ... then there are those ones which i dread most, the one whenre u keep silent and to urself.... this brings me to the saying "heart broken" really we all know its not logical or possible for a heart to break.... but its the description, the metaphor for a feeling that other wise would be impossible to be put into words ...heart broken .... this doesnt particularl have to be when ur in love... not that i think... because today i feel it ... the feeling where my eyes are to dried to make tears where my lips are to tired to smile and my throat to dry to speak...... then this sudden pain is at my chest presumely at my heart... the feeling of it being pierce it makes u wanna cry but u just cant... the reason for such sadness.. i dont know ....who knows if i dont ... so whats my best medicine??? the cure for the broken heart???.....Everyone has their own soloution.. some drink the pain away.. some eat their pain ... then there are some who take their own life.. but to me and to many others the solution, the cure, the thing that will ease this pain is TIME

annoyed fustrated confused and some what emo

so this is the first blog entry... man where do i start i am so confused ... this only started yesterday.. the second day in a new year and bloody hell i am already lost and confused... its so hard to say to anybody how i feel.... well for sure its not love lust or hatred its more of self assesment.
Man fuk man wat do i do i dont know what to think or say.. how can i pissed at someone for being pissed at me its obvious i did something right?? so i dont have the right to be pissed at them ... but then again why is it so hard to just tell me why the fuk they were pissed at me in the first place it would make things more easy and precise... wellnot only am i annoyed at one but two farr but this is more ignorant of me for getting annoyed at someone because they were to passive or too friendly ...i know i was mucking around but if they told me to stop themself i would of stopped but they had to get it through another person...farrrrrrrrrr just amkes me fell even more annyoed but i know i shouldnt be pissed at them they should be pissed at me right?? fuk this man got me up all night jogging doesnt help hot long showers doesnt help either... FAR ALL I CAN SAY RIGHT NOW IS SORRY to those i unintentionally piss off..
but the real problem here is i begin to start to blame myself for this and wont let myself at ease dont get me wrong peopel i dont go cutting ymself .. my mind just wont relax and stop thinking so i cant sleep i cant eat and most of all i forget the purpose of socialising .. i dont wanna be a bitch so someone please tell me whats wrong with me.....